Foremost on my mind was the orange beef. We were four adults at a Chinese restaurant, and we ordered family style. That means sharing. We each picked a dish. Mine was the superior choice, the orange beef. As I watched it disappear while the moo goo gai pan didn’t, I was bugged.
Learning nothing from those Chinese dishes on the table, I shared again. But this time it was my recent self-discovery breakthrough.
First, some background. I suffer from social anxiety disorder. I diagnosed myself years ago after reading an ad in the Reader’s Digest. If you experience two of these seven symptoms, you may have… I identified with five. Most people don’t know about my disorder. How could they? In many social situations I’m too afraid to speak. Instead of guessing that I’m filled with anxiety, people tend to write me off as a snob and leave me alone. I longed to be outgoing but never figured out how. I settled for feeling miserable instead.
I was thinking about my dad. In most of my memories, he’s drunk. This time, I was remembering the sober dad. Absent the booze, he was quiet and withdrawn and tended to avoid social occasions. I wondered, did he suffer from social anxiety disorder too….see where I’m going with this? Could my condition be genetic? Well, I can accept something I can’t help. Suddenly I was comfortable with me, social anxiety and all. That was the breakthrough I shared at dinner.
The friend sitting across from me happens to be a therapist. “About that disorder of yours. I can fix that.” She smiled big, as if to reassure me. But I was bugged.
I’d just spent fifteen minutes telling everyone that I was fixed. I didn’t care anymore if I was outgoing. In reality, I didn’t have the time. I am booked solid with introvert activities. I read, practice piano, enjoy the company of close friends—not to exceed 2 at a time—hike, garden, work full-time. I have a house, wife and kids—all requiring my attention. See? I have no room for public speaking or whatever it is my friend wanted to fix. As if I need a repair job…I’m the one who planned the dinner!
I took my self-discovery a step further. I was hiking with my niece, also a therapist. We discussed that dinner.
Me: How odd to want to fix someone before determining if that person is broken. For example, if you were driving from Utah to California, and a friend of a friend of a friend needed a ride, do you say yes?
Niece: No way. Too awkward.
Me: I would say yes. It wouldn’t bother me at all. Going as a group of twenty friends would stress me out more than the one stranger.
Niece: I’m the opposite. A group of twenty, no problem. But stuck with a stranger for a road trip, I couldn’t.
Me: Then maybe you need fixing.
I planned that hike, too.
I ignored my friend’s offer. I’m comfortable being an introvert, and I don’t want to tamper with this sweet spot that I discovered. Besides, how can I trust her? Look at what she ordered at the Chinese restaurant.
Into the Comfort Zone 