I nearly ruined a Christmas present. The gift I received, bestowed with love, was afternoon tea at The Grand America Hotel in Salt Lake City, Utah. How’s that for swanky—even “The” gets an uppercase. In reality, nothing in the hotel resembles my lowercase living conditions. Some might argue that I don’t really belong, but I like tea and the attendant goodies, and they accepted our reservation and the online payment.
Sabotage #1 happened the day before the event. I discovered the hotel wanted money for parking, and I didn’t want to pay. I wondered about the shoes my wife Karla would wear. How many blocks would she be willing to walk if I could find a nice unmetered curb? In my heart I knew she wouldn’t be a good sport . . . then I reminded myself. It’s a Christmas gift. We can splurge a little. I yielded to the $9 fee that would entitle me to two-hours of elegant sipping. (For an extra $4 in the meter, you can stretch the experience to three hours. Slow sippers beware.)
First tantrum averted. The event itself was perfect. From the elevator door to our table, we walked under at least five enormous crystal chandeliers. I was gawking. I have never had a reason to price a chandelier, but I’m sure my guess at $25,000-a-pop is low. Of course, if you hang one of those on your ceiling, you have to fix up the rest of the place, otherwise the chandelier sticks out. Let’s just say the uppercase in “The” is duly deserved.
I followed a recommendation from our server and ordered the Darjeeling tea. Good move. It now stands as the best tea I’ve had. Which leads me to Sabotage #2. The next day, naturally, I went online to find a good brand of Darjeeling to make at home. Instead I found a young Australian youtuber who taught me that Darjeeling is a place, and he made a trip there to conduct a taste test. He explained that the planet has only one suitable hillside to grow true Darjeeling tea, and you better hurry, because the growing season is short. He warned that there are many imposters. He was standing on the very hillside to see if he could tell the real from the fake.
I loved that cup of Darjeeling at the hotel. Now this young Australian was making me doubt my elegant experience. Did I have the real deal? What about the Darjeeling tea I planned to make at home? Could I trust any of the brands on Amazon? I can’t afford a trip to Darjeeling! I noticed that the young Australian was walking the dirt roads of that hillside. Was parking there that prohibitive? My chest was tightening. Then I reminded myself. Why not leave the experience right where I found it—at The Grand America Hotel? There was no reason to bring the tea home. I admired the hotel chandeliers a lot, too, but I had no intention of getting one to go. The tea and the chandeliers are best kept in my memory. If I want to experience either again, I’ll go back to the hotel. I closed the video long before it was over. The gift was never intended to burden me, as hard as I tried to make trouble. In the end, the hotel wasn’t trying to burden me, either. Included with tea is parking validation!
Into the Comfort Zone 