Imagine being a pop icon. You’re young, talented, famous and rich. You’ve surpassed your wildest dreams—you’ve also surpassed all the other wannabe popstars, even the ones who, at the age of 55, are still trying to break into the business. You pack stadiums, and you do what you love night after night to the adoration of thousands of fans.
SIGN ME UP! Is that what you’re thinking?
To the untrained eye, this popstar has everything. But I know better. Here’s a twitter post from that celebrity: “Days I should feel happiness, I feel so down. Fat phobic. It’s hurtful. If you don’t like my music, cool. But a lot of people don’t like me because of the way I look.”
What this popstar lacks is positive body image. To the untrained mouth, the cure is to tell this popstar that she is beautiful—and anyone who thinks differently is an idiot. But I know better. Doesn’t work. Her millions of fans have been telling her for years that she’s beautiful, but she’s listening to the creep on social media telling her differently.
I have a better approach—a two-parter. One optional, one mandatory. One requires lots of work, one doesn’t.
Cure, Part 1 (optional)
Invite several pop divas to your place—the ones who are super pretty, super skinny. Serve refreshments to make sure they show up. Then ask them if anyone has negatively commented on their looks. Have a tablet handy, because you’re going to tally up the insults to see who should feel the worst. Prepare yourself, because you may not win. Once you learn that all the mudslinging isn’t reserved just for you, you may not care so much about people who don’t like the way you look. And you may ignore the creeps and start paying more attention to the fans who paid astronomical amounts of money to hear you sing.
Cure, Part 2 (mandatory)
Write down (or mentally note) all the contributing factors that led to your unparalleled success. Highest to lowest. You fashion models out there—put “looks” at the number-one spot. The rest of you . . .
If you’re this popstar, I bet a lot of what you do can be done best while looking your worst. Writing songs—no hair brush required. Practicing your instrument—holes in your socks. Vocal warm ups—no one wears make-up for that.
What this popstar proves is that you can accomplish great things with poor body image. You feel ugly? No problem. The world is your oyster. Look at all the oysters that unattractive people have accumulated. Having good body image matters so little. Rather than feel forced to feel beautiful, don’t care. Be neutral. Realize that in your life, looks may rank 25 on your list of what’s needed to succeed in your interests. The importance of feeling beautiful, in the grand scheme of life, may be at par with great vacuuming skills.
The truth is, this popstar already holds the key to getting over those taunts meant to body shame. She said it herself. “If you don’t like my music, cool.” If she knows how to get to that place, getting to “if you don’t like the way I look, cool” is right next door.
Into the Comfort Zone 