Earlier in the week, I sent a few postcards via regular mail to a few friends. I think that disqualifies me from discussing any topic related to Artificial Intelligence. So when I say that AI can help you talk to the dead, I’m merely quoting an article I read and not speaking as a certified techie. (Note: AI’s conduit to the dead is a parlor trick, of course. If your loved one beyond the veil left a repository of data—much like I’m doing here in this blog—AI will mine the data and mimic that person. Yaaaawn.)
I’m not much into social media. Entrusting nerds with my social life never sounded right to me. Now AI is taking a stab at interpersonal communication, and I already see trouble. Here’s the situation. I don’t need help talking to the dead. I need help talking to the living, especially my loved ones. Those words and phrases that are easy to say to a dead person . . . or to a baby . . . or to a pet—those are the kind of things I want to say to the grownup people I adore. So, tell me AI, how do I look these grownups in the eye, take their faces in the palms of my hands, and say, “You’re such a good girl, you’re such a good boy, who loves you the mostest”?
Here are the three features I need most from AI:
- FINISH YOUR THOUGHT PROMPT. I have a gift that allows me to see where people need to improve. It pairs well with my other gift, which is my willingness to give advice. No charge. When I’m offering my suggestions for their self-improvement, I need AI to zap me with a reminder to also point out their qualities that don’t need improving. And AI needs to keep zapping me until the list of “solid gold qualities” dwarfs the list of “areas to improve.” Besides, these people might have expended all their energy developing those good qualities already in their possession, and they might need a break . . . from me.
- THE WHOLE TRUTH PROMPT. Years ago, it was obvious to me that my friends were duds. They didn’t want to do anything. I started wondering if they were really friends at all. They were failing miserably. Suddenly I was feeling very lonely. I could’ve used a dose of AI back then. Without AI, I had to learn the hard way what kind of friend I am. Basically, I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, how I want to do it, and who I want to do it with. That’s right—I’m the fun guy at the party. AI could have helped me quickly see that as friend material, I wasn’t so hot either. Though, I shudder to think how many zaps that would have taken.
- TELL ME MORE PROMPT. I know a lot, which I prove anytime anyone else opens their mouth. If they share an idea, an opinion, a worry, a memory, that’s my cue to share my idea, opinion, worry, memory. I call it conversation. Others might call it conversation-hijacking. In those situations, I wish my cue would come from AI. A quick zap that forces me to say “Tell me more” and a second, sharper zap to keep my mouth closed.
That’s my wish list for AI. Anything more, and it might feel like I’m being nagged. After all, AI, you’re not my motherboard.
Into the Comfort Zone 